funny tweets

admin — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 18:27:29 +0000

OK, I love sarcastic humor and because I love Twitter, twitter.threadless.com is a new favorite hangout of mine. The following tweets just struck me as funny and several are already on t-shirts. Consider this one big RT :

@sween You say I’m coloring outside the lines. I say I’m making new lines.
@MyFrappaccino When God gives you melons, you know you’re dyslexic.
@Martiandrivein Twitter: Where it’s @
@hannaheartbrake If guns kill people, then spoons make people fat.
@leahclifford Can’t wait for the day I wake and all the trending topics on Twitter are zombie related. Because I’ll know what it means. And I’ll be ready.
@Khanvict23 If you give a person a fish you feed them for a day, teach a person to use Twitter and they won’t bother you for weeks.
@SdotFOSTER I’ve never seen anyone’s death certificate suggest the cause of death was breaking a chain letter…
@miconian There are people I want to unfollow who aren’t even on Twitter.
@moorsee Dance like nobody’s watching. Tweet like nobody’s following.
@secretsquirrel Life would be easier if you could mark people as spam.
@jdtatum No one has twittered in 6 minutes. I can only assume that all of my friends are dead.
@cleversimon I’m with @stupid.
@Tony_D Sadly, my day requires pants.
@nintechno I wish I could CTRL+ALT+DEL people.
@GaryJBusey I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by fleeing the scene of an accident.
@Khanvict23 Wondering if its cool in China to get English words tattooed on their arms.
@nodabear89 It’s not @you…it’s @me
@IamMPB I’d damn you to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see you 5 days a week.
@Skittle_Brains I always misread “Marital Status” as “Martial Status” on forms. Which confuses me even more when there isn’t a “Ninja” check box.
@Nottabadword I’m consistent, just not all the time.

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funny tweets