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funny tweets

OK, I love sarcastic humor and because I love Twitter, twitter.threadless.com is a new favorite hangout of mine. The following tweets just struck me as funny and several are already on t-shirts. Consider this one big RT :) :

  • @sween You say I’m coloring outside the lines. I say I’m making new lines.
  • @MyFrappaccino When God gives you melons, you know you’re dyslexic.
  • @Martiandrivein Twitter: Where it’s @
  • @hannaheartbrake If guns kill people, then spoons make people fat.
  • @leahclifford Can’t wait for the day I wake and all the trending topics on Twitter are zombie related. Because I’ll know what it means. And I’ll be ready.
  • @Khanvict23 If you give a person a fish you feed them for a day, teach a person to use Twitter and they won’t bother you for weeks.
  • @SdotFOSTER I’ve never seen anyone’s death certificate suggest the cause of death was breaking a chain letter…
  • @miconian There are people I want to unfollow who aren’t even on Twitter.
  • @moorsee Dance like nobody’s watching. Tweet like nobody’s following.
  • @secretsquirrel Life would be easier if you could mark people as spam.
  • @jdtatum No one has twittered in 6 minutes. I can only assume that all of my friends are dead.
  • @cleversimon I’m with @stupid.
  • @Tony_D Sadly, my day requires pants.
  • @nintechno I wish I could CTRL+ALT+DEL people.
  • @GaryJBusey I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by fleeing the scene of an accident.
  • @Khanvict23 Wondering if its cool in China to get English words tattooed on their arms.
  • @nodabear89 It’s not @you…it’s @me
  • @IamMPB I’d damn you to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see you 5 days a week.
  • @Skittle_Brains I always misread “Marital Status” as “Martial Status” on forms. Which confuses me even more when there isn’t a “Ninja” check box.
  • @Nottabadword I’m consistent, just not all the time.
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